i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
