Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
