Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I AM VODKA MAN
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
