Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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