I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
