i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
