weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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