I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
a search helicopter?!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
