Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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