my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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