i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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