Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
