Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
