i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
