Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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