TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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