my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
