I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
