I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
