When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
