Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
handjob tips. give me some.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize