also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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