Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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