she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
