How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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