Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i will never coherently bang her
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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