OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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