so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
