: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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