i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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