my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
