I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
