I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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