Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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