Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
