i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
