We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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