If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
50% drunk capacity currently
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
