Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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