walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
