Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
