There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
