Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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