I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
