oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
