Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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