This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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