so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize