can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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