if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
