It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
