he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
