i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
