he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
