I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
