They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize