Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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