how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize