DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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