summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
