If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize