I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
