and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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