You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
