just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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