It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
