she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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