My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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