Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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