What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
