I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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